1、兄弟从前的情感生活，那也是颇为凌乱的。
1. My brother’s past emotional life was quite messy.
2、我花8万买了个西周陶罐，昨儿到《鉴宝》栏目进行鉴定，专家严肃地说：”这哪是西周的？这是上周的！”
2. I spent 80,000 yuan on a Western Zhou pottery jar, and yesterday I took it to the “Appraisal” column for identification. The expert said seriously, “This is not from the Western Zhou Dynasty; it’s from last week!”
3、始终没有沦为一个优秀的大学生，靠的就是坚强的品质！
3. I have never become an excellent college student, relying on my strong character!
4、我要让全世界知道我很低调！
4. I want the whole world to know that I am low-key!
5、卸无可卸的包袱，退无可退的道路；忍无可忍的眼泪，追无可追的前途。
5. The burden that cannot be shed, the road that cannot be retreated; the tears that cannot be endured, the future that cannot be chased.
6、同时绽放在夜空里的花火，看得到彼此美丽的时刻，我却无法照亮你的一生……
6. The fireworks that bloom in the night sky together can see each other’s beautiful moments, but I cannot illuminate your whole life…
7、当我们失去的时候，才知道自己曾经拥有。
7. Only when we lose something do we realize what we once had.
8、人要是无聊啊，鼻涕泡都能拿来玩会。
8. When people are bored, they can even play with their own snot bubbles.
9、不经历星期一上午的崩溃，就不知道星期五下午的可贵。
9. Without experiencing the collapse on Monday morning, you don’t know the value of Friday afternoon.
10、什么是坏人，白天脱裤子的男人，晚上不卸妆的女人。
10. What is a bad person? A man who takes off his pants during the day, and a woman who doesn’t remove her makeup at night.
11、真正的勇士要敢于正视漂亮的美眉，敢于直面惨淡的单身；
11. A true warrior must have the courage to face beautiful girls and the courage to face the bleak single life.
12、不能因为咱俩有过节，你就把我当节过。
12. Just because we have had a conflict, you can’t treat me as if I were a festival.
13、鞭策自己，鞭打别人。
13. Spur yourself on, and whip others.
14、路漫漫其修远兮，不如我去打的。
14. The road ahead is long and has a distant journey; it’s better for me to take a taxi.
15、我的地盘，你是地主。
15. On my territory, you are the landlord.
16、一分钟有多长？这要看你是蹲在厕所里面，还是等在厕所外面。
16. How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or waiting outside the toilet.
17、小时候最怕的，不是梦见自己找厕所没有找到。而是人还没醒过来，厕所找到了。
17. When I was a child, the scariest thing was not dreaming of not finding a toilet. It’s that before waking up, the toilet was found.
18、我觉得一定有很多人暗恋我，因为这么多年了，也没有人跟我表白！
18. I think there must be many people who have a crush on me, because after so many years, no one has confessed to me!
19、我心中一直有个疑惑，5年了，整整5年了，灰太狼都是吃什么活下去的……
19. I have always had a doubt in my heart: for 5 years, for a whole 5 years, what has Grey Wolf been eating to survive…
20、一个人最长的恋爱史，大概就是自恋了……
20. The longest love history a person can have is probably self-love…
21、成功三要素：1坚持；2不要脸；3坚持不要脸。你做到了么？
21. The three key elements of success: 1 persistence; 2 shamelessness; 3 persisting in shamelessness. Have you achieved them?
22、施主，贫僧是来化缘的，请问有酱肘子么?炸鸡腿也行，善哉。
22. Devotee, I am here to seek alms. Do you have any braised pork elbows? Fried chicken legs will do too. Goodness.
23、水壶啊，你为什么哭泣，是因为屁股太烫了吗?
23. Kettle, why are you crying? Is it because your bottom is too hot?
24、人是铁，饭是钢，一天不装憋得慌。
24. Man is iron, and food is steel. A day without pretending makes one anxious.
25、我的心不是公交车，不是有空位你就坐下来。
25. My heart is not a bus; you can’t just sit down when there’s an empty seat.
26、人的一生就象在拉屎，有时你已经很努力了可出来的只是一个屁。
26. Life is like defecating; sometimes you try really hard, but all that comes out is a fart.
27、我身在江湖，江湖却没有关于我的传说!
27. I am in the world of martial arts, yet there are no legends about me!
28、令人不能自拔的，除了牙齿还有爱情。
28. What cannot be extricated from, besides teeth, is love.
29、宿舍的弟兄决定对张舍监实施以下惩罚：让其抱着贴满老中医广告的电线杆，饱含热泪充满深情的大声呐喊：我的病终于有救了啊！
29. The dormitory brothers decided to impose the following punishment on the dormitory supervisor: make him hold onto a utility pole covered with old Chinese medicine advertisements, tearfully and passionately shout: My illness is finally cured!
30、我想早恋，但是已经晚了……
30. I want to fall in love early, but it’s already too late…
31、老鼠从不浪费晚上的时间，而我们人类却浪费了每天的三分之一。
31. Mice never waste their evenings, yet humans waste one-third of every day.
32、故意学习，故意工作，故意生活，故意活得像个人！
32. Deliberately study, deliberately work, deliberately live, deliberately live like a human being!
33、放下你大学生的架子，找碗饭吃先！
33. Put down your college student airs, find a bowl of food first!
34、这个世界上我只相信两个人，一个是我，另一个不是你。
34. In this world, I only believe in two people: one is me, and the other is not you.
35、生活真他妈好玩，因为生活老他妈玩我。
35. Life is really fucking fun, because life always plays with me.
36、爱情就是犯贱，而且还是一次又一次的犯贱。什么时候你不犯贱了，女人就来了！
36. Love is being cheap, and doing it again and again. When you stop being cheap, women will come!
37、黑夜给了我一双黑色的眼睛，可我却用它来翻白眼。
37. The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I use them to roll my eyes.
38、网络就像是监狱，本来是偷了个钱包进来的，等出去的时候就什么都学会了。
38. The internet is like a prison; originally, I came in for stealing a wallet, but when I go out, I’ve learned everything.
39、生下来的人没有怕死的，怕死的都TM没生下来，所以谁都别TM的装横！
39. No one born is afraid of death; those who are afraid of death never came into this world, so don’t act tough!
40、记住该记住的，忘记该忘记的。改变能改变的，接受不能改变的。
40. Remember what should be remembered, forget what should be forgotten. Change what can be changed, accept what cannot be changed.
41、眼泪的存在，是为了证明悲伤不是一场幻觉。
41. The existence of tears is to prove that sadness is not an illusion.
42、有句话是，如果有个男人在大马路上蹲下给你系鞋带，这样的男人你就嫁了吧！我想说，打死结的算么？
42. There’s a saying, if a man squats down in the street to tie your shoelaces, just marry him! I’d like to ask, what about those who tie it in a knot?
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