1、传统的男人结婚前很清纯，结婚后开始乱搞；现代的男人结婚前乱搞，结婚后变得老实。
1. Traditional men are pure before marriage, but start messing around after marriage; modern men mess around before marriage, but become honest after marriage.
2、男人和老婆的关系再差，他和岳母的关系也是好的；女人和老公的关系再好，她和婆婆的关系也是差的。
2. No matter how bad a man’s relationship with his wife is, his relationship with his mother-in-law is good; no matter how good a woman’s relationship with her husband is, her relationship with her mother-in-law is poor.
3、男人没赚到钱时女人着急，男人赚到钱时女人后悔。
3. When a man doesn’t make money, women worry; when a man makes money, women regret it.
4、一脚揣不出你屎来，算你拉的干净！
4. If I can’t kick your poop out, then you’ve pooped clean!
5、最丢脸是和几个同学讨论薪水，原以为他们说的是年薪，后来才发现他们说的都是月薪……
5. The most embarrassing thing is discussing salaries with classmates, thinking they’re talking about annual salaries, only to find out they’re talking about monthly salaries…
6、不怕美女把我当色狼，就怕丑女把我当流氓。
6. I’m not afraid of beautiful women treating me like a wolf, I’m afraid of ugly women treating me like a rogue.
7、人不狠，站不稳！人不损，不标准！人不坏，死的快。
7. If a person isn’t ruthless, they can’t stand firm! If they aren’t critical, they aren’t up to standard! If they aren’t bad, they die quickly.
8、你还是让我跪搓板吧，跪电暖气是在受不了啊。
8. You might as well let me kneel on the washboard, I can’t stand kneeling on the electric heater!
9、天哪！我的衣服又瘦了。
9. Oh my God! My clothes have shrunk again.
10、叶子的离开是因为风的追求还是树的不挽留？
10. Is the leaf’s departure due to the wind’s pursuit or the tree’s failure to hold on?
11、废话是人际关系的第一句。
11. Nonsense is the first sentence of interpersonal relationships.
12、男人把女朋友托付给自己的哥们照顾，最后女朋友成了哥们的老婆，哥们照当；女人把男朋友托付给姐们照顾，结果姐们成了男朋友的老婆，姐们也当不成了。
12. When a man entrusts his girlfriend to his buddy for care, in the end, the girlfriend becomes the buddy’s wife, and the buddy remains; when a woman entrusts her boyfriend to her friend for care, the result is her friend becomes the boyfriend’s wife, and the friend can’t be one anymore.
13、我的领带又找不到了，是不是你昨天又没有找到抹布？
13. I can’t find my tie again, did you not find a rag yesterday either?
14、参加选美的那些女人，都找不到好男人，因为好男人都结婚了，比如我。
14. Those women who participate in beauty pageants can’t find good men, because good men are all married, like me.
15、一想到祖国没统一就忍不着想抽烟…
15. The thought of our motherland not being unified makes me want to smoke…
16、如果我做了皇帝，就封你当太子！
16. If I become an emperor, I’ll make you the crown prince!
17、玫瑰真便宜，都可以送老婆了。
17. Roses are so cheap now, they can even be given to wives.
18、只要锄头舞的好，那有墙角挖不倒？
18. As long as you dance the hoe well, there’s no corner that can’t be dug down.
19、人又不聪敏，还学别人秃顶。
19. If you’re not smart, don’t imitate others by going bald.
20、绑不住我的心就不要说我花心。
20. If you can’t bind my heart, don’t say I’m flirtatious.
21、我就是巴黎欧莱雅，你值得拥有。
21. I am L’Oréal Paris, you deserve it.
22、如果我能原谅你的庸俗，你能容忍我的装逼吗？
22. If I can forgive your vulgarity, can you tolerate my pretentiousness?
23、你不是仙人掌，又何必那么坚强。
23. You’re not a cactus, why be so strong?
24、保护自己，爱护他人，请不要半夜出来吓人。
24. Protect yourself and care for others, please don’t come out in the middle of the night to scare people.
25、女人最爱两种花，一是有钱花，二是尽量花。
25. Women love two kinds of flowers: one is spending money, and the other is trying to spend as much as possible.
26、干掉熊猫，我就是国宝。
26. Get rid of the panda, and I’ll be the national treasure.
27、别和我谈理想，戒了！
27. Don’t talk to me about ideals, I’ve quit!
28、跌倒了，爬起来再哭。
28. If you fall, get up and cry again.
29、低调才是最牛B的炫耀。
29. Being low-key is the most impressive way to show off.
30、清明节，买朵鲜花，祭奠那死去的爱情。
30. On Qingming Festival, buy a fresh flower to commemorate the dead love.
31、我曾经跟一个人无数次的擦肩而过，衣服都擦破了，也没擦出火花。
31. I once passed by a person countless times, and my clothes were worn out, but no sparks were created.
32、不要同一个傻瓜争辩、否则别人会搞不清到底谁是傻瓜。
32. Don’t argue with a fool, or others won’t be able to tell who the fool is.
33、脑袋空不要紧、关键是不要进水。
33. It doesn’t matter if your head is empty, as long as it doesn’t get water inside.
34、知道你过的不好，我就安心了。
34. Knowing you’re not doing well makes me feel at ease.
35、点的是烟，抽的却是寂寞。
35. What you light is a cigarette, but what y
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