1、从猴子变成人需要成千上万年，从人变回猴子只用一瓶酒。
1. It takes thousands of years for a monkey to evolve into a human, but it only takes a bottle of alcohol for a human to devolve into a monkey.
2、英雄不问出路，流氓不看岁数！
2. A hero doesn’t care about their origin, and a hooligan doesn’t care about their age!
3、睡眠是一门艺术，谁也无法阻挡我追求艺术的脚步！
3. Sleeping is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing my artistic endeavors!
4、长大了，娶唐僧做老公，能玩就玩一玩，不能玩就把他吃掉。
4. When I grow up, I want to marry Tang Seng as my husband, play with him if I can, and eat him if I can’t.
5、考试考得好，全靠同桌好。
5. Good grades in exams all depend on having a good deskmate.
6、分手多没意思，有本事咱俩玩离婚！
6. Breaking up is so boring; if you have the guts, let’s play at getting a divorce!
7、我是心眼小，但是不缺，我是脾气好，但不是没有！
7. I may have a small mind, but it’s not absent; I may have a good temper, but it’s not nonexistent!
8、你还是让我跪搓板吧，跪电暖气实在受不了啊！
8. You might as well let me kneel on a washboard; I can’t stand kneeling in front of an electric heater!
9、女人一生最喜欢两朵花：一是有钱花，二是尽量花！
9. Throughout their lives, women love two types of flowers: one is spending money, and the other is trying their best to spend it!
10、两只鸳鸯同命鸟，一对蝴蝶可怜虫。
10. Two mandarin ducks share the same fate, while a pair of butterflies are pitiful creatures.
11、明星脱一点就能更出名，我脱的光光的却被抓起来了！
11. Celebrities become more famous when they reveal a little more, but when I stripped down completely, I got arrested!
12、暧昧就是我找你借钱，你没说借，也没说不借，而是只说你老公不在家……
12. Ambiguity is like when I ask you for a loan, and instead of saying yes or no, you only mention that your husband is not at home…
13、俗话说：你笑，全世界都跟着你笑；你哭，全世界只有你一个人哭。
13. As the saying goes: if you laugh, the whole world laughs with you; if you cry, you cry alone.
14、老子不打你，你就不知道我文武双全。
14. If I don’t hit you, you’ll never know that I’m both cultured and skilled in martial arts.
15、我特别困的时候，道德标准也没有醒，老师们要小心了。
15. When I’m extremely sleepy, my moral standards are also asleep, so teachers should be careful.
16、笨男人+笨女人=结婚；笨男人+聪明女人=离婚；聪明男人+笨女人=婚外情；聪明男人+聪明女人=浪漫爱情。
16. A dull man + a dull woman = marriage; a dull man + a smart woman = divorce; a smart man + a dull woman = affair; a smart man + a smart woman = romantic love.
17、上帝说要有光，我说我反对，于是，世界上有了黑暗。
17. God said there should be light, but I disagreed, and thus, darkness was created in the world.
18、哥是文明人，所有脏话均已使用唾液消毒。
18. I am a civilized person, and all the dirty words I use have been disinfected with saliva.
19、脸乃身外之物，可要可不要，钱乃必要之物，不得不要。
19. A face is an external thing, dispensable or not; money is a necessary thing, and it must be obtained.
20、地理老师问：四大洋分别是那个？我答：喜羊羊美羊羊懒羊羊沸羊羊
20. Geography teacher asked: What are the four oceans? I answered: Pleasant Sheep, Beautiful Sheep, Lazy Sheep, and Boiling Sheep.
21、好累，想在后脑勺划一刀，然后瘫在地上装储蓄罐。
21. I’m so tired; I want to make a cut on the back of my head and collapse on the ground, pretending to be a piggy bank.
22、当我看见美女的时候，首先摸摸兜里，看看有没有钱！
22. When I see a beautiful woman, I first check my pocket to see if I have any money!
23、如果我是一位公主，我会拯救一只青蛙，可我遇到的全是癞蛤蟆。
23. If I were a princess, I would save a frog, but all I’ve encountered are toads.
24、邀请女生出来玩失败有两个原因，一是她懒得洗头，二是你的邀请不值得她洗头。
24. There are two reasons for failing to invite a girl out: either she’s too lazy to wash her hair, or your invitation isn’t worth her washing her hair.
25、穷耐克，富阿迪，流氓一身阿玛尼。
25. Poor wear Nike, rich wear Adidas, and gangsters wear Armani.
26、当你穿上了爱情的婚纱，我也披上了和尚的袈裟……
26. When you put on the wedding dress for love, I’ll be wearing a monk’s robe…
27、我上了床就和野兽一样，具体来说像考拉，一睡就是18个小时。
27. Once I get in bed, I become like a wild animal, specifically like a koala, sleeping for 18 hours.
28、蚊子你有手有脚的，为什么不找份工作正正当当地生活。
28. Mosquitoes, you have hands and feet; why don’t you find a job and live a decent life?
29、谁说我白，瘦，漂亮，我就跟他做好朋友。
29. If anyone says I’m white, thin, and beautiful, I’ll be their best friend.
30、老师说上课不可以吃零食，还好今天我带的是火锅。
30. The teacher said no snacking in class, but luckily, I brought hot pot today.
31、有人说我不要脸，这简直胡扯，这么帅我哪舍得不要。
31. Some people say I have no shame; that’s nonsense! How could I bear to
......(隐藏9431字)
该专辑为收费专辑，购买专辑后可以阅读全部内容
