1、哥不是收破烂的，做不到让你随喊随到。
1. I’m not a scrap collector; I can’t be at your beck and call.
2、我身材其实挺好，肥而不腻。
2. My figure is actually quite good, plump but not greasy.
3、走投无路还走什么走，直接坐车啊。
3. When you’re out of options, why walk when you can just take a car?
4、你讲我坏话时能不能别添油加醋，以为炒菜啊。
4. When talking bad about me, can you stop exaggerating, thinking you’re stir-frying?
5、人不能低下高贵的头,但捡钱时例外。
5. One cannot bow their noble head, except when picking up money.
6、我不是草船，你的贱别往我这发。
6. I’m not a straw boat; don’t send your cheapness my way.
7、你就像九天仙女下凡尘，可惜脸部先着地。
7. You’re like a fairy descending from the heavens, but unfortunately, your face hit the ground first.
8、我觉得地球好危险，我想火星了。
8. I think Earth is dangerous; I miss Mars.
9、本想华丽的转身，不料低调的撞墙。
9. I wanted to make a grand turn, but I bumped into the wall discreetly.
10、不要给我压力，那将是我成为你上司的动力。
10. Don’t give me pressure; it will become the motivation for me to become your boss.
11、缴手机费时，才知道，原来我的话这么值钱。
11. When paying my phone bill, I realized my words are so valuable.
12、哪家的名门之后啊，你爹是天蓬元帅啊！
12. Whose prestigious descendant are you? Your father is Marshal Tian Peng!
13、睡眠是一门艺术,谁也无法阻挡我追求艺术的脚步！
13. Sleep is an art; no one can stop me from pursuing artistic footsteps!
14、您复杂的五官，掩饰不了您朴素的智商。
14. Your complex facial features cannot conceal your simple intelligence.
15、枪决前这名年轻人绝望地大吼道：“谁他妈告诉我杀人长命的！”
15. Before the execution, the young man shouted in despair, “Who the hell told me that killing would make me live longer?!”
16、每天把牢骚拿出来晒晒太阳，心情就不会缺钙。
16. Take out your complaints and let them bask in the sun every day, and your mood won’t be lacking in calcium.
17、悟空大喊吃俺老孙一棒，金角大王一愣，张开了嘴。
17. Wukong shouted, “Eat this strike from me, Old Sun!” The Golden Horned King was stunned and opened his mouth.
18、比一比这两条鱼谁长的帅，长得帅就是明天的菜.。
18. Compare these two fish and see who looks more handsome; the handsome one will be tomorrow’s dish.
19、人是铁，饭是钢，骨头里面没有汤。
19. Man is iron, rice is steel; there’s no soup inside the bones.
20、从猴子变成人需要成千上万年，从人变回猴子只用一瓶酒。
20. It takes thousands of years for a monkey to become a human, but it only takes a bottle of alcohol for a human to become a monkey again.
21、锄禾日当午，啥都不靠普。闲来没事做，不如斗地主。
21. Hoeing the field under the midday sun, relying on nothing but the common touch. When idle and with nothing to do,不如 play a game of Landlord.
22、俗话说：心静自然凉。于是乎，我躺在床上装死。
22. As the saying goes: A calm heart feels naturally cool. So, I lie in bed pretending to be dead.
23、別在无聊的时候來找我，不然显得我是多余的.
23. Don’t come to me when you’re bored, or I’ll seem redundant.
24、本来智商就高，连情商都为零，还让不让人活了。
24. My IQ is already high, and yet my EQ is zero. How am I supposed to survive?
25、人间正道是沧桑，活的不要太嚣张。
25. The righteous path of life is full of hardships; don’t live life too arrogantly.
26、携子之手，将子拖走，子若不走，拍晕了，继续拖走。
26. Holding the child’s hand, I drag the child away. If the child refuses to leave, I’ll knock them out and continue dragging them away.
27、老王掉进村口枯井，在村民们的热心帮助下，最终适应了井底生活。
27. Old Wang fell into the dry well at the entrance of the village, and with the enthusiastic help of the villagers, he eventually adapted to the life at the bottom of the well.
28、苦逼和土豪的区别是什么？标准答案：大宝天天见和天天大保健的区别。
28. What is the difference between a loser and a rich person? Standard answer: The difference between seeing Dabao every day and having daily health checks.
29、世界上最遥远的距离，不是生与死的距离，而是考试前，别人都在复习，而我在预习……
29. The longest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death, but the distance between exams, when others are reviewing, and I am just pre-reviewing…
30、小时候我以为自己长大后可以拯救整个世界，等长大后才发现整个世界都拯救不了我。
30. When I was young, I thought I could save the whole world when I grew up. But when I grew up, I realized that the whole world couldn’t save me.
31、有一天晚上我做家务，让老公哄儿子先睡觉，过了两小时我轻轻的开门问：“他睡了吗？””他睡了。”儿子回答道。
31. One evening while I was doing the housework, I asked my husband to put our son to bed. Two hours later, I gently opened the door and whispered, “Is he asleep yet?” “He’s asleep,” my son replied.
32、有一天，一群城管在追一摆摊的老太太，老太太拼命跑……突然！老太太不小心摔倒了，这时城管一楞，接着就发疯似的逃了。
32. One day, a group of city enforcers was chasing an old lady who was setting up her street stall. As the old lady ran for her life…suddenly! She accidentally fell. The enforcers froze for a
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