1.我不骂人，因为我动手能力比较强。
1. I don’t curse people because I have strong hands-on skills.
2.开卷和闭卷的不同就在于，一个在上面抄，一个在下面抄。
2. The difference between open-book and closed-book exams is that one copies from above, and the other copies from below.
3.不要总是对我忽冷忽热，那样的话我怕感冒。
3. Don’t always be hot and cold to me; otherwise, I’m afraid I’ll catch a cold.
4.没什么事不要找我，有事更不用找我！
4. Don’t look for me when there’s nothing, and definitely don’t look for me when there’s something!
5.哥吸烟、是因为它伤肺，不伤心。
5. I smoke because it hurts my lungs, not my heart.
6.骑白马的不一定是王子，可能是唐僧；有翅膀的不一定是天使，也可能是鸟人！
6. The one riding a white horse may not be a prince, but Tang Seng; the one with wings may not be an angel, but a birdman!
7.悟空，不要变得这么残暴，交给为师，让为师骑马撞死她。
7. Wukong, don’t be so brutal. Leave it to me, and let me ride a horse to knock her down.
8.晚自习的时候考试，拿出手机搜答案，突然，老师把灯一关，我……亮了。
8. During the evening self-study exam, I took out my phone to search for answers. Suddenly, the teacher turned off the lights, and I… lit up.
9.我曾经跟一个人无数次擦肩而过，衣服都擦破了，也没擦出火花。
9. I once passed by someone countless times, and my clothes were worn out, but no sparks were created.
10.鲜花往往不属于赏花的人，而属于牛粪。
10. Flowers often don’t belong to those who appreciate them, but to the cow dung.
11.我和脂肪做斗争，差点没牺牲。
11. I struggled with fat, and almost didn’t make it.
12.成人不自在，自在不成人。
12. Adults are not at ease; those who are at ease are not adults.
13.爱你的时候，你是西施；恨你的时候，你是僵尸！
13. When I love you, you are Xi Shi; when I hate you, you are a zombie!
14.中华儿女千千万，这个不行咱就换。
14. There are thousands of Chinese people, so if this one doesn’t work, we’ll change to another.
15.你是风儿我是沙，你是皮鞋我是刷，你不理我我自杀。
15. You are the wind, I am the sand; you are the leather shoe, I am the brush. If you ignore me, I’ll commit suicide.
16.炫富就像孔雀开屏，一心想展示华丽的外表，却被人看见了屁眼。
16. Showing off wealth is like a peacock spreading its feathers, intending to display its gorgeous appearance, but people see its rear end.
17.我们只要有一颗自信心，神马都米有鸭梨。
17. As long as we have self-confidence, there will be no pressure.
18.偷吃不是我的错，是我嘴巴的寂寞。
18. It’s not my fault for sneaking a bite; it’s the loneliness of my mouth.
19.您别看我长得像没头脑，其实我是不高兴。
19. Don’t look at me like I have no brains; actually, I’m just unhappy.
20.有一种爱叫放手，手放开后，请你快走。
20. There is a kind of love called letting go. After you let go, please leave quickly.
21.不想叛师的徒弟，都是不成才的徒弟。
21. Disciples who don’t want to betray their masters are unpromising ones.
22.男人的实力，就是你兜里的人民币。
22. A man’s strength is the amount of RMB in your pocket.
23.瞧你这长相，不用化妆就能去演恐怖片了。
23. With your appearance, you don’t even need makeup to act in a horror movie.
24.没用的东西，再便宜也不买；不爱的人，再寂寞也不依赖。
24. No matter how cheap something is, don’t buy it if it’s useless; no matter how lonely you are, don’t rely on someone you don’t love.
25.作为一个吃货，吃东西并不代表我饿了，只是因为嘴巴寂寞了。
25. As a foodie, eating doesn’t necessarily mean I’m hungry; it’s just because my mouth is lonely.
26.世界上最遥远的距离，就他妈是星期一到星期五。
26. The longest distance in the world is fucking from Monday to Friday.
27.自从人晒黑了，脸色好看了，牙齿变白了，喝酒都不脸红了。
27. Ever since I got tanned, my face looks better, my teeth are whiter, and I don’t even blush when I drink.
28.装逼只是瞬间，不要脸才是永恒。
28. Pretending is just a moment; shamelessness is eternal.
29.我掐指一算，发现你命里缺我。
29. I calculated with my fingers and found that you lack me in your life.
30.一直对发型不满意的人，有一个共同点：不肯承认这是脸的问题。
30. People who are always dissatisfied with their hairstyles have one thing in common: they refuse to admit that it’s a face issue.
31.原本想一口一口吃掉忧愁，不料却一口一口吃成胖子。
31. I wanted to eat my worries away one bite at a time, but unexpectedly, I became a fat person one bite at a time.
32.宁可胖的精致，也不要瘦的雷同。
32. It’s better to be a delicate fat person than a skinny clone.
33.你不是VIP，甚至不是V，你丫只是个P。
33. You’re not a VIP, or even a V; you’re just a P.
34.挂个蚊帐在里面裸睡，挑逗蚊子，把它急死。
34. Sleep naked inside a mosquito net, teasing the mosquitoes and driving them crazy.
35.人生苦短，必须性感。
35. Life is short; be sexy.
36.从天堂到地狱，哥只是路过人间。
36. From heaven to hell, I’m just passing through the world.
37.我喜欢的人，都在硬盘里。
37. The people I like are all in my hard drive.
38.傻与不傻，要看你会不会装傻。
38. Being silly or not depends on whether you know how to pretend to be silly.
39.穷耐克，富阿迪，流氓一身阿玛尼。
39. Poor people wear Nike, rich people wear Adidas, and gangsters wear Armani.
40.抽，是一种生活艺术；找抽，是一种生活态度。
40. Smoking is a form of art in life; seeking a beating is a life attitude.
41.众里寻他千百度，没病你就走两步。
41. I searched for him a thousand times in the crowd; if you’re not sick, just take a couple of steps.
42.每次临时抱佛脚的时候，佛总是给我一脚。
42. Every time I try to seek help at the last minute, Buddha always gives me a kick.
43.天上不会掉馅饼，因为我们不相信。
43. There are no free lunches in the sky because we don’t believe in them.
44.我说这位壮士，你在我伤口上撒完盐，就别再尝尝咸淡了吧。
44. I say, big guy, after you’ve finished sprinkling salt on my wound, please don’t taste the saltiness anymore, okay?
45.吃什么鱿鱼丝、墨鱼丝的，给我上点美人鱼丝。
45. What’s the point of eating squid or cuttlefish? Bring me some mermaid instead.
46.把你家的地址说出来，我要把它改成公共厕所。
46. Tell me your home address; I’m going to turn it into a public toilet.
47.说了晚安去睡的人、往往半小时以后还在得瑟。
47. People who say goodnight and go to sleep often still show off half an hour later.
48.一懒猫疯狂地追求一老鼠终于结婚，婚后猫对老鼠百般苛护，老鼠很快变胖，老鼠很感动：亲爱的为什么对我这么好呀！猫嘿嘿笑道：等你再胖一点就知道了。
48. A lazy cat madly pursued a mouse and finally got married. After marriage, the cat took good care of the mouse, who quickly gained weight. The mouse was very touched: “My dear, why are you so good to me?” The cat chuckled: “Wait until you get fatter, and you’ll find out.”
49.一室友，决心开始减肥，当着众室友的面信誓旦旦地讲到：“脂肪，我和你拼了。”一个月过去，减肥失败，又是在众室友面前温和的讲到：“亲爱的脂肪，这次你又赢了”。
49. A roommate decided to start losing weight and vowed in front of everyone, “Fat, I’ll fight you to the death.” A month later, the weight loss failed, and the roommate gently said in front of everyone, “Dear fat, you’ve won again.”
50.天使之所以会飞，是因为她们把自己看得很轻。
50. Angels can fly because they see themselves as light.
51.钻石恒久远，一颗就破产！
51. Diamonds are forever, but one is enough to go bankrupt!
52.走自己的路，让别人打车去吧！
52. Walk your own way and let others take taxis!
53.黑夜给了我一双黑色的眼睛，可我却用它来翻白眼。
53. The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I used them to roll my eyes.
54.照相是要抢时机的，刻意的永远不会好。
54. Taking photos is about seizing the moment; anything deliberate will never be good.
55.白加黑：白天踩一人，不瞌睡；晚上再踩一人，睡得香。
55. White plus black: Step on one person during the day, no drowsiness; step on another person at night, sleep soundly.
56.别打开礼物的缎带，最初充满期待，最后都腐败。
56. Don’t untie the ribbon on the gift; it starts with expectation, but ends in decay.
57.将薪比薪想一下，算了，不想活了。
57. Compare my salary to yours, and forget it, I don’t want to live anymore.
58.别惹我，否则我会让你死得很有节奏感。
58. Don’t provoke me, or I’ll make your death rhythmic.
59.先别鄙视我，给你个号码牌，先排队，到你的时候再鄙视。
59. Don’t despise me yet; here’s a number card, get in line, and despise me when it’s your turn.
60.晚上想想千条路，早上起来走原路。
60. At night, I think of a thousand paths, but when I get up in the morning, I still follow the same old one.
61.姐从来不抄袭，但没说不复制。
61. My sister never plagiarizes, but she doesn’t say she can’t copy.
62.失败是成功她后妈，看见孩子老失败也不帮她！
62. Failure is success’s stepmother, seeing the child keep failing but not helping!
63.别再逼我，再逼，我就在地上划个圈圈咒诅你被丑女强吻！
63. Don’t push me anymore, if you do, I’ll draw a circle on the ground to curse you being forcibly kissed by an ugly girl!
64.我只为人民币服务，谢谢。
64. I only serve the Renminbi, thank you.
65.如果我死了，我的第一句话是：终于不用怕鬼了。
65. If I die, my first sentence will be: Finally, I don’t have to be afraid of ghosts.
66.自从得了精神病，我的精神就好多了！
66. Ever since I got mental illness, my spirit has been much better!
67.当你穿上了爱情的婚纱，我也披上了和尚的袈裟……
67. When you put on the wedding dress of love, I also put on the monk’s robe…
68.锻炼肌肉，防止挨揍！
68. Exercise muscles, prevent getting beaten!
69.如果回帖是一种美德，那我早就成为圣人了。
69. If replying is a virtue, then I’ve already become a saint.
70.雷锋做了好事不留名，但是每一件事情都记到日记里面。
70. Lei Feng did good deeds without leaving his name, but he recorded every single thing in his diary.
71.喝白酒一斤，我绝对没感觉，因为喝半斤就已经喝死了。
71. Drinking one jin of white wine, I have no feeling at all, because I’m already dead after drinking half a jin.
72.人人都说我丑，其实我只是美得不明显。
72. Everyone says I’m ugly, but in fact, I’m just not obviously beautiful.
73.老子不打你，你就不知道我文武双全。
73. If I don’t hit you, you won’t know I’m both literary and martial.
74.我特别困的时候，道德标准也没有醒，老师们要小心了。
74. When I’m very sleepy, my moral standards are also not awake, teachers should be careful.
75.笨男人+笨女人=结婚；笨男人+聪明女人=离婚；聪明男人+笨女人=婚外情；聪明男人+聪明女人=浪漫爱情。
75. Stupid man + stupid woman = marriage; stupid man + smart woman = divorce; smart man + stupid woman = affair; smart man + smart woman = romantic love.
76.上帝说要有光，我说我反对，于是，世界上有了黑暗。
76. God said there should be light, I said I’m against it, and then, the world had darkness.
77.睡眠是一门艺术，谁也无法阻挡我追求艺术的脚步！
77. Sleeping is an art, no one can stop me from pursuing the footsteps of art!
78.我在学校的生活仅仅能做的三件事，看学霸秀成绩，看情侣秀恩爱，看土豪炫富;更惨的是：看土豪秀成绩，看学霸秀恩爱，看情侣炫富。
78. The only three things I can do in school are: watch the top students show off their grades, watch couples show off their love, and watch the wealthy show off their wealth; what’s worse is: watch the wealthy show off their grades, watch the top students show off their love, and watch couples show off their wealth.
79.问一个淡淡的问题：鸟儿为什么爱在电线上排排坐？最佳解释是在线才能聊天。
79. Ask a light question: Why do birds love to sit on power lines? The best explanation is that only online can they chat.
80.卖花的小姑娘拉着我：“大哥哥买花吧一看就知道你是花心的人。”
80. The little girl selling flowers pulled at me: “Big brother, buy flowers! I can tell you’re a flirtatious person just by looking at you.”
81.泼出去的水，老子连盆子都不要了。
81. Once the water is splashed out, I don’t even want the basin.
82.再丑的人也能结婚、再美的人也有单身。
82. Even the ugliest person can get married, and the most beautiful person can still be single.
83.老子不打你，你不知道我文武双全。
83. If I don’t hit you, you won’t know I’m talented in both literature and martial arts.
84.你太矮了！借你望远镜吧，再看清楚点，我不帅吗？
84. You’re so short! Let me lend you a telescope to take a closer look. Am I not handsome?
85.我要做个下载软件，名字叫掩耳。因为迅雷不及掩耳。
85. I want to create a download software called “Covering Ears” because “Xunlei” can’t catch up with “covering ears.”
86.哪里跌倒，哪里爬起。老是在那里跌倒，我怀疑那里有个坑！
86. Get up where you fall. If you keep falling in the same place, I suspect there’s a pit there!
87.我心眼儿有些小，但是不缺；我脾气很好，但不是没有！
87. My mind is a bit small, but it’s complete; my temper is good, but not nonexistent!
88.种草不让人去躺，不如改种仙人掌！
88. If you don’t allow people to lie down on the grass you planted, you might as well plant cactus instead!
89.路漫漫其修远兮，不如我们去打的。
89. The road ahead is long and has no end; let’s just take a taxi.
90.就你这个样子，这个年龄，已经跌破发行价了。
90. With your appearance and age, you’ve already dropped below the issue price.
91.老师说：快要高考了，早恋的就不要吵架了，以免影响心情；没早恋的就不要表白了，以免被拒绝影响心情。
91. The teacher said: The college entrance exam is approaching, those who are in early romantic relationships should not quarrel, so as not to affect their mood; those who are not, should not confess, so as not to be rejected and affect their mood.
92.你脸上的痘真多拖拉机开上去都会翻车。
92. You have so many pimples on your face, a tractor would flip if it drove over them.
93.等我有钱了，我就买一辆公交车，专门走公交专用车道，专门停在公交车站，等有人想上车了，我就说：对不起，这是私家车。
93. When I’m rich, I’ll buy a bus and use only bus lanes, stopping only at bus stops. When someone wants to get on, I’ll say, “Sorry, it’s a private car.”
94.在公交车上，一个孕妇站在一个坐在凳子的年青男人前面，孕妇对他说:“难道你不知道我怀孕了吗?“那男的说:“对不起，这孩子不会是我的吧?”
94. On the bus, a pregnant woman stood in front of a young man sitting on a stool. She said to him, “Don’t you know I’m pregnant?” The man replied, “Sorry, but I don’t think the child could be mine.”
95.没有女人的日子里，我以调戏男人为乐。
95. In the days without women, I take pleasure in teasing men.
96.岁月不饶人，首先饶不了女人;机会不等人，首先等不了男人。
96. Time spares no one, especially women; opportunities wait for no one, especially men.
97.扔硬币，正面就去上网，反面就是睡觉，立起来就去写作业。
97. Flip a coin: if it’s heads, go online; if it’s tails, go to sleep; if it stands up, do your homework.
98.我是你的风筝，线在你手上，可陪伴我的只有风。
98. I am your kite, the string is in your hands, but all I have for company is the wind.
99.拍脑袋决策，拍胸脯保证，拍屁股走人。
99. Make decisions by slapping your head, guarantee with your chest, and leave by patting your butt.
100.好男人，就是和媳妇吵架时，抱着必输的心态。
100. A good man is one who, when arguing with his wife, has a mindset of inevitable defeat.
1.多亏我是个胖子，伤心时我可以捏捏肚子。
1. Fortunately, I am a fat person, so when I’m sad, I can pinch my belly.
2.我们就像两条平行线，永远也不会有交点。
2. We are like two parallel lines, never to have an intersection.
3.家长会和小三的性质都是一样的，都是挑拨家庭关系的。
3. Parent-teacher conferences and homewreckers are of the same nature, both are trying to disrupt family relationships.
4.大大咧咧不一定是坏，温文尔雅不一定是真。
4. Being carefree is not necessarily bad, and being gentle and refined is not necessarily genuine.
5.我本就不是娇滴滴的女生，不需要被保护，一个人也可以很好。
5. I am not a delicate girl to begin with, I don’t need to be protected, I can be just fine on my own.
6.就算你瘦了，变好看了，你什么都好了，不爱你的人还是不爱你。
6. Even if you lose weight, become more attractive, and everything gets better, those who don’t love you still won’t love you.
7.婊子配狗天长地久，狗男配鸡如胶似漆。
7. A bitch matches a dog for eternity, and a dog man matches a hen, sticking together like glue.
8.如果你讨厌我，我一点也不介意，我活着不是为了取悦你。
8. If you hate me, I don’t mind at all, I am not living to please you.
9.世界上最爱我的男人，已经娶了我妈。
9. The man who loves me the most in the world has already married my mom.
10.真正的境界是宁可自己去原谅别人，莫让别人来原谅你。
10. The true state is to prefer forgiving others rather than having others forgive you.
11.人生就是呼吸，呼是为了出一口气，吸是为了争一口气。
11. Life is like breathing, exhaling is to let out a breath, and inhaling is to fight for another breath.
12.天若有情天亦老，抢我对象死的早。
12. If heaven has feelings, it will age too, whoever steals my partner will die young.
13.游戏和女友最大的区别就是，一个要下副本一个要下血本！
13. The biggest difference between a game and a girlfriend is that one requires you to download a dungeon, and the other requires you to invest your life savings!
14.做清淡欢颜的女子，写高贵的情书给自己。
14. Be a light-hearted and joyful woman, and write noble love letters to yourself.
15.这个世界，没有那么多单纯的如果，不爱就是不爱了。
15. In this world, there are not so many simple “what ifs”, if someone doesn’t love you, they just don’t love you anymore.
16.我这人没啥优点，就是受表扬能力特强！
16. I don’t have many strengths, but I am particularly good at receiving praise!
17.以为自己长得漂亮又怎样，老娘不屑，最终还不是当别人情妇。
17. What’s the big deal about thinking you’re pretty? I despise it, in the end, you still become someone’s mistress.
18.趁我还爱你，你可不可以不要错过我？
18. While I still love you, can you not miss me?
19.你的态度决定我的态度，你若对我沉默，我也只好对你冷漠。
19. Your attitude determines my attitude, if you are silent to me, I have no choice but to be indifferent to you.
20.别站在你的角度看我，我怕那你看不懂。
20. Don’t look at me from your perspective, I’m afraid you won’t understand me.
21.姐不需要谁爱我，更不需要谁疼我，姐会狠狠疼爱自己。
21. I don’t need anyone to love me, nor do I need anyone to pamper me. I will love and pamper myself fiercely.
22.不想看你不开心，却又嫉妒你和别人太开心！
22. I don’t want to see you unhappy, yet I’m jealous when you’re too happy with others.
23.那些曾经泼过我冷水的人，我一定会烧开了还给你们。
23. To those who have poured cold water on me, I will surely boil it and return it to you.
24.老师上课的质量，决定手机此月的流量。
24. The quality of the teacher’s class determines the amount of mobile data I use this month.
25.你用温柔将我所有的菱角磨平，然后用尽全力伤我到死。
25. You used your gentleness to smooth all my edges and corners, and then tried your best to hurt me to death.
26.你就像根苦瓜，穿得这么清凉，长得这么败。
26. You’re like a bitter gourd; dressed so cool, yet looking so miserable.
27.你既然这么轻易地被种在我的心里，那么，就别想轻易逃脱出去！
27. Since you’ve been planted so easily in my heart, don’t even think about escaping easily!
28.长了副猪样，就不要以为自己是人，老娘看不起你。
28. If you look like a pig, don’t think you’re a human; I despise you.
29.别跟我说你不差钱，既然如此，来来，你往外丢，我接着。
29. Don’t tell me you’re not short of money. If that’s the case, come on, throw it out, and I’ll catch it.
30.别说小三骚，谁让他一勾搭就上套。
30. Don’t say the mistress is flirtatious; it’s because she’s easily hooked.
31.谁的旧爱不是别人的新欢，谁的新欢不是别人的旧爱。
31. Whose ex isn’t someone else’s new love, and whose new love isn’t someone else’s ex?
32.谁要是再敢惹我，我就趁清明之前把他埋了。
32. If anyone dares to provoke me again, I’ll bury them before Qingming Festival.
33.不管谁泼我们冷水，我们都要有骨气的变成开水泼回去。
33. No matter who pours cold water on us, we must have the guts to turn into boiling water and splash it back.
34.有棱有角的害处是，别人啃起你来十分方便。
34. The disadvantage of having edges and corners is that it’s very convenient for others to bite you.
35.走不进的世界就不要硬挤了，难为了别人，作贱了自己，何必呢？
35. If you can’t enter a world, don’t force your way in. It’s difficult for others and degrades yourself. Why bother?
36.看过水浒传吗？唐僧师徒四人被贾宝玉逼上梁山的故事。
36. Have you read Water Margin? The story of Tang Seng and his three disciples being forced onto Liangshan by Jia Baoyu.
37.每次看到情侣，我就会唱那首歌，”分手快乐，祝你快乐”。
37. Every time I see a couple, I sing that song, “Happy Breakup, Wish You Happiness.”
38.老人不能打小孩，不能打女人，不能打男人往死里打。
38. The elderly should not hit children, women, or men to death.
39.如果领导下个月再不给我加薪，我就辞职，辞职前再给他送两条中华，抽死他。
39. If the leader doesn’t give me a raise next month, I’ll resign. Before resigning, I’ll give him two packs of Zhonghua cigarettes to smoke him to death.
40.我娘说浪子回头金不换，谁给我金子？我换。
40. My mother said that a prodigal son who returns is worth more than gold, but who will give me the gold? I’ll change.
41.爷爷都是从孙子走过来的……
41. Grandfathers were once grandsons…
42.你说你是我朋友，其实我知道，动物的确是人类的朋友。
42. You say you are my friend; in fact, I know that animals are indeed friends of humans.
43.喜欢我的人都是好人。不喜欢我的人都是坏人。讨厌我的都不是人。
43. Those who like me are good people. Those who don’t like me are bad people. Those who hate me are not human.
44.说谎是男人的特权，被骗是女人的专利…
44. Lying is a man’s privilege, and being deceived is a woman’s patent…
45.爷不是你的小浣熊，玩不出你的其乐无穷。
45. I am not your little panda; I can’t play your endless joy.
46.每个人都是囚犯，电话号码就是编号。
46. Everyone is a prisoner, and phone numbers are their numbers.
47.如果命运抓住了伱的喉咙，伱就挠命运嘚胳肢窝。
47. If fate grabs your throat, you should tickle fate’s armpit.
48.我的未来不是梦，我的未来是做恶梦！
48. My future is not a dream, my future is having nightmares!
49.我觉得你真的不是个合格的朋友，你还是改行做我老婆吧！
49. I think you are really not a qualified friend; you’d better change your career and be my wife!
50.哥脸上的那绝对不是痘，那叫青春。
50. What’s on my face is absolutely not acne; it’s called youth.
51.如果你在大街上大吼一声”贱人“绝对比叫一句美女回头率来的高!
51. If you shout “bitch” on the street, the turning heads will definitely be higher than if you call someone a beauty!
52.现在的花心，是因为当初的比任何人都用心。
52. The current flirtatiousness is because I was more dedicated than anyone else at first.
53.有一种态度叫有情犯贱，有一种状态叫没事找抽。
53. There is an attitude called affectionate humiliation, and there is a state called asking for trouble.
54.神州行我看行，我不缴费看你行不行。
54. China Mobile works for me; I won’t pay the bill, let’s see if you can handle it.
55.我觉得打电话挺好的，这样说的每句话都是值钱的。
55. I think making phone calls is great, as every word spoken is valuable.
56.其实我很宅，只是宅在谁家里的问题。
56. In fact, I am a homebody, it’s just a matter of whose house I stay in.
57.白驼山壮骨粉，挨一刀涂一包，包你想挨第二刀…
57. Baituoshan Strong Bone Powder, apply one pack after a cut, and you’ll want to get stabbed again…
58.你现在过得好吗？如果你过得不好我也就安心了。
58. How are you doing now? If you’re not doing well, I’ll be relieved.
59.新时代的女性，上的了厅堂，翻的了围墙，斗的了小三，打的了流氓，就是下不了厨房。
59. Modern women can handle the living room, climb over walls, fight with mistresses, beat up hooligans, but they just can’t enter the kitchen.
60.谁他二大爷的告诉我诺基亚能砸核桃，现在黑屏了。
60. Who the hell told me that Nokia can crack walnuts? Now the screen is black.
61.人生苦短，必须性感。
61. Life is short, so be sexy.
62.虽然你身上喷了古龙水，但我还是能隐约闻到一股人渣味儿。
62. Although you’ve sprayed cologne, I can still vaguely smell the scent of a scumbag.
63.你那副正经的样子，貌似真的听懂人话呐！
63. You look so serious, as if you really understand human language!
64.我跟伍佰不熟，他弟弟二百五跟我很熟。
64. I’m not familiar with Wu Bai, but I’m very close to his brother, Er Bai Wu.
65.我建议大家对我的长相，理解为主，欣赏为辅。
65. I suggest that you focus on understanding my appearance, and appreciate it as a secondary aspect.
66.结束友情的方式有许多种，最彻底的一种是借钱不还。
66. There are many ways to end a friendship, and the most thorough one is to borrow money and not pay it back.
67.暗恋就是没有配高射炮的雷达，默默地锁定了敌机。
67. Secret love is like a radar without an anti-aircraft gun, silently locking onto enemy aircraft.
68.在猪圈里，你不必讲究人类的礼仪。
68. In a pigsty, you don’t need to follow human etiquette.
69.不求门当户对，只求感觉到位。
69. I don’t seek a perfect match, just the right feeling.
70.土是用来挖的，坑是用来埋你的。
70. Dirt is for digging, and holes are for burying you.
71.永远都不要跟同一个傻子争辩，因为争辩到最后，会分不清谁是傻子。
71. Never argue with the same fool, because in the end, you won’t be able to tell who the fool is.
72.你到挺有个性，个不高性格还那么不好。
72. You’re quite unique, short in stature and with a bad temper.
73.没心没肺，能活百岁，问心无愧，做人不累。
73. Live carefree, and you’ll live a long life; be guiltless, and you won’t be tired as a person.
74.真怀念小时候啊，天热的时候我也可以像男人一样光膀子！
74. I really miss when I was a child, when it was hot, I could also bare my chest like a man!
75.我看你就一专业织网的，而且专捕企鹅。
75. I think you’re a professional at weaving nets, and you specialize in catching penguins.
76.你别总日啊日的，你家老母狗都快怀孕了。
76. Stop saying “ri” all the time, your old mother dog is almost pregnant.
77.虽然我不能菩度众生，但我可以祸害苍生。
77. Although I can’t help all living beings, I can bring disaster to them.
78.勇于认错，坚决不改。
78. Be brave to admit mistakes, but never change.
79.瘦不了的永远在骚动，吃不胖的都有恃无恐。
79. Those who can’t lose weight are always restless, while those who can’t gain weight are fearless.
80.穿别人的鞋，走自己的路，让他们找去吧。
80. Wear other people’s shoes, walk your own path, and let them search for you.
81.不要乐观的像个屁一样，自以为能惊天动地。
81. Don’t be overly optimistic like a fart, thinking you can shake the world.
82.三分天注定，七分靠打拼，还有九十分在老师那里。
82. Thirty percent is destined, seventy percent comes from hard work, and the remaining ninety percent is with the teacher.
83.晚上想想千条路，早上起来走原路。
83. At night, I think of a thousand paths, but in the morning, I still follow the same old one.
84.我的袜子全是洞，我的未来不是梦。
84. My socks are full of holes, but my future is not just a dream.
85.我也曾青春逼人，可惜现在青春没了，就剩这么个逼人了。
85. I used to be a youthful and formidable person, but now my youth is gone, leaving only this formidable presence.
86.我对你的深情无法付诸语言，除了一句“滚一边去”。
86. I cannot express my deep feelings for you in words, except for “go away.”
87.对于姑娘来说：出来混，迟早是要怀的。
87. For girls: if you play around, sooner or later, you will get pregnant.
88.天涯何处无牛粪，何必单恋一坨屎。
88. There is cow dung everywhere in the world, so why be infatuated with just one pile of shit?
89.如果有一天全世界的男人来月经了，我会去卖卫生经。
89. If one day all the men in the world get their periods, I will sell sanitary pads.
90.以后不要在我面前说英文，OK？
90. Don’t speak English in front of me anymore, OK?
91.如果男人不帮你穿上婚纱，你就送他件袈裟。
91. If a man doesn’t help you put on a wedding dress, give him a monk’s robe.
92.我可没说你不要脸，我是说不要脸的都是你这样的。
92. I didn’t say you have no shame; I’m saying that those who have no shame are like you.
93.装逼只是瞬间，不要脸才是永恒。
93. Pretending to be cool is just a momentary thing, but having no shame is eternal.
94.有些事情无须抬杠，表面服从偷偷反抗。
94. There’s no need to argue over some things; just appear to comply while secretly resisting.
95.我喝酒是想把痛苦溺死，但这该死的痛苦却学会了游泳。
95. I drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned sorrows have learned how to swim.
96.若不弃，此生不离，若嫌弃，死一边去。
96. If you don’t abandon me, we’ll be together for life; if you despise me, go die.
97.上帝给了我们七情六欲，我们却把它们变成了色情和暴力。
97. God gave us seven emotions and six desires, but we turned them into pornography and violence.
98.遇到你之前，我的世界是黑白的，遇到你之后，哇塞！全黑了……
98. Before I met you, my world was in black and
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