1.问：十瓶啤酒下去，你会怎样？
1. Q: What would happen if you drank ten bottles of beer?
答：再让它们上来。
A: Let them come back up.
2.问：敢说你和多少异性接过吻吗？
2. Q: Dare you say how many opposite-sex people you have kissed?
答：没算。不过每增加一个，我就记到一张卡片上。……后来我用这些卡片做了四副扑克。
A: I haven’t counted. But every time it increases, I write it on a card… Later, I made four decks of poker cards with these cards.
3.问：情侣两个都在QQ上，但是双方都不说话已有10分钟，说明什么？
3. Q: If a couple is both on QQ, but neither talks for 10 minutes, what does it mean?
答：老板在旁边。
A: The boss is nearby.
4.问：给你1200元，买什么车好？
4. Q: What kind of car should you buy with 1200 yuan?
答：买副象棋吧，有四个车呢！另外还有四个宝马。
A: Buy a set of Chinese chess; there are four chariots in it! Plus, there are four BMWs.
5.问：养了10年的宠物和交往1周的恋人，必须舍弃1个，你选什么？
5. Q: If you have to give up either a pet you’ve raised for 10 years or a lover you’ve been with for a week, what would you choose?
答：舍弃宠物吧，把它送给恋人。
A: Give up the pet and send it to the lover.
6.问：结婚用什么车娶亲最cool？
6. Q: What is the coolest car to use for a wedding?
答：布加迪威航开路，阿斯顿马丁摄像，齐柏林DS8护航，新郎新娘骑驴。
A: A Bugatti Veyron leading the way, an Aston Martin for filming, Zeppelin DS8 escorting, and the bride and groom riding donkeys.
7.问：你花心吗？
7. Q: Are you a playboy/girl?
答：以前别人都是用感叹号问我
A: People used to ask me with exclamation points.
8.问：“去相亲，对面那女的咧嘴一笑，脸上好厚一块粉掉下来了，我该怎么办？”……
8. Q: “When going on a blind date, the woman across from me grinned, and a thick layer of powder fell off her face. What should I do?”
答：“您太客气了，第一次见面就送粮食。”
A: “You’re too kind, offering food on our first meeting.”
9.问：你在坐公交，忽然你身边的人看了你一眼然后吐了，你咋办？
9. Q: What would you do if someone on the bus looked at you and then vomited?
答：果然好定力！一般人看到我是直接晕过去的。
A: What great self-control! Most people would faint at the sight of me.
10.问：小龙女可以7年不见杨过你能么
10. Q: Can you go seven years without seeing Yang Guo like Xiaolongnv?
答：我可以一辈子不见杨过
A: I can go a lifetime without seeing Yang Guo.
11.问：四个字形容一下你的开车水平
11. Q: Describe your driving skills in four characters.
答：交警无语
A: Traffic police speechless
12.问：一个人对你说“偶吃的盐比你吃的饭还多！！”说明什么？
12. Q: If someone says to you, “I’ve eaten more salt than you’ve eaten rice!!” What does it mean?
答：口重
A: Heavy口味 (Strong taste)
13.问：看完兽兽视频最大的感想是什么？
13. Q: What’s your biggest feeling after watching the兽兽 video?
答：手机太差了。
A: The phone is too bad.
14.问：公交车上一男的踩了你的脚，对你说“我是周杰伦”，你的反应？
14. Q: If a man on the bus steps on your foot and says, “I’m Jay Chou,” how would you react?
答：踩回来。以后可以炫耀啦，我踩过周杰伦！
A: Step back. I can brag in the future that I’ve stepped on Jay Chou!
15.问：如果你在图书馆看书，正入迷时，对面的异性用脚碰了你三次，你会？
15. Q: If you are reading in the library, fascinated, and the opposite sex touches your foot three times with their foot, what would you do?
答：踩住。
A: Step on it.
16.问：好像有不少女人都很喜欢***？喜欢的理由，或者讨厌的理由是啥？传闻好像要复出了！
16. Q: It seems that many women like ***? The reason for liking or disliking is what? Rumors say they might make a comeback!
答：冠希加油！期待第二季。
A: Edison, come on! Looking forward to Season 2.
17.问：距世界末日还有7秒钟，你想做的最后一件事？
17. Q: If there are only 7 seconds left until the end of the world, what’s the last thing you want to do?
答：收菜
A: Harvest vegetables (steal crops)
18.问：当恋人/老公从熟睡中突然抱住你说“我喜欢你，你喜欢我吗？’
18. Q: When your lover/husband suddenly hugs you in his sleep and says, “I like you, do you like me?”
答：你不要惊醒他，轻声问：“我叫什么名字啊？……”
A: Don’t wake him up, whisper, “What’s my name?”
19.问：同时说1种花，看谁和我有默契~~
19. Q: Let’s each say one type of flower and see who has the best chemistry with me~~
答：1种花
A: One type of flower
20.问：一男和一女住了一夜，什么都没干！你们相信吗？
20. Q: A man and a woman spend a night together, and they didn’t do anything! Do you believe it?
答：相信。都湿着呢，没干。
A: I believe it. They were both wet, so they weren’t dry.
21.问：相亲时，女方对你说：你没房没车来相什么亲？你怎么回答？
21. Q: During a blind date, if a woman says to you, “You don’t have a house or a car, why are you here for a date?” How would you respond?
答：献爱心来了
A: I’m here to spread love.
22.问：你有过差点死掉的经历吗
22. Q: Have you ever had an experience where you almost died?
答：****算吗？
A: Does **** count?
23.问：有个女mopper交了6个男朋友，请问她情人节该怎么过？
23. Q: A female Mopper has had 6 boyfriends, how should she spend Valentine’s Day?
答：一起吃火锅吧
A: Have a hot pot dinner together.
24.问：杨过没车为什么小龙女还腻着他呢？
24. Q: Why does Xiaolongnv still like Yang Guo even though he doesn’t have a car?
答：谁说没车？他一直用雕牌！
A: Who says he doesn’t have a car? He’s always using the Steed brand!
25.问：晚１０点一女同事消息发来‘我老公不在’怎么回！！！？？？
25. Q: At 10 pm, a female colleague messages you saying “My husband is not home,” how do you respond?
答：我马上到……
A: I’ll be right there…
26.问：如果有人问，我可以追你吗？怎么回答比较好？？
26. Q: If someone asks, “Can I chase after you?” How would you answer in a better way?
答：为什么追我？我又不是急支糖浆。。。
A: Why chase after me? I’m not urgent support syrup…
27.问：你独自流落荒岛，手机没信号，突然能打了，你第一个电话打给谁？
27. Q: If you are stranded on a deserted island alone, with no cell phone signal, and suddenly you can make a call, who would you call first?
答：中国移动，投诉他们！怎么信号这么差！
A: China Mobile, to complain about their poor signal!
28.问：真心话你要是男人你希望自己象***一样有一堆女人吗？
28. Q: If you were a man, would you want to be like *** with a bunch of women around you?
答：我希望自己是一个拥有一堆***的女人……
A: I would want to be a woman with a bunch of *** around me…
29.问：给你1亿,让你从2楼跳下去,你愿意伐?
29. Q: Would you jump from the second floor if someone offered you 100 million?
答：请先把1亿堆在楼下，我马上往上跳。
A: Please pile up the 100 million below first, and I’ll jump right away.
30.问：分手后有一方说：“我心里不会再走进别人了”。你信吗？
30. Q: After a breakup, if one party says, “I won’t let anyone else into my heart,” do you believe them?
答：心里不会，但是身体会。
A: Maybe not in the heart, but the body will.
31.问：你觉得你身上最值得保持的品质是什么？
31. Q: What do you think is the most valuable quality you possess?
答：将错就错。
A: Going with the flow.
32.问：你拿过的最牛B的凶器是什么？
32. Q: What’s the most impressive weapon you’ve ever wielded?
答：TT。（杀亿人于无形中）
A: Condoms. (Killing millions of people without a trace)
33.问：我买房子的花园里居然挖出了一具尸体，我该怎么办？要不要报警
33. Q: What should I do if I find a dead body in my garden while buying a house? Should I call the police?
答：继续挖，下面还有兵马佣
A: Keep digging, there are terracotta warriors and horses below.
34.问：说一个虐待自己最残忍的方式？
34. Q: Name a cruel way to torture yourself.
答：一人吃掉KFC全家桶
A: Eating a KFC family bucket all by myself.
35.问：给你1W，让你去小区门口大喊3声：“芙蓉姐姐我爱你”，你干吗
35. Q: For 10,000 yuan, would you go to the entrance of the community and shout “I love Sister Furong” three times?
答：可以“喊”，但是不“干”。
A: I can “shout,” but I won’t “do it.”
36.问：晚上，正在洗澡，突然，发现，多了一只手在帮你搓澡！你。。。
36. Q: One evening, while taking a shower, you suddenly find an extra hand helping you scrub! What do you do?
答：偷偷把它的手表和戒指撸下来。
A: Secretly take off its watch and rings.
37.问：白床单，白被子，白枕头，白拖鞋意味着什么？
37. Q: What does white sheets, white quilts, white pillows, and white slippers imply?
答：白大夫，就是要你白
A: Dr. White, it means you have to pay.
38.问：男生给女生每天发100多条短信，但是电话很少，说明什么
38. Q: If a guy sends a girl over 100 text messages a day but rarely calls, what does it suggest?
答：他订了个包月套餐
A: He has a monthly package plan.
39.问：用四个字形容自己的长相！
39. Q: Describe your appearance in four characters!
答：不提也罢
A: Better not to mention.
40.问：你兜里只有2块钱，怎么解决三餐？？？
40. Q: If you only have 2 yuan in your pocket, how do you solve three meals?
答：买个破碗，蹲街边
A: Buy a broken bowl and squat on the street corner.
41.问：弟弟拉裤子了——打两位美国政坛名人！
41. Q: My younger brother wet his pants - name two famous American politicians!
答：奥！爸，妈！稀拉里！
A: Oh! Dad, Mom! Xi Lali!
42.问：如果有人看了你的照片后，说“好丑~”。。。。。
42. Q: What if someone looks at your picture and says, “So ugly~”?
答：总比说’好可爱的猴子’要好吧
A: It’s better than being called ‘a cute monkey.’
43.鄙视我的人那么多,你算老几?
43. There are so many people who look down on me, what’s your rank?
（当一个美女鄙视你无赖，流氓，奸诈，不正经时~）
(When a beautiful woman looks down on you as a scoundrel, rascal, cunning, and unserious person~)
44.打死我也不说,你还没使美人儿计呢！
44. I won’t say it even if you kill me, you haven’t used your beauty trick yet!
（各位弟兄，有没有美女问你你不方便说的问题呢~对付女朋友也不错，调情用）
(Brothers, have any of you encountered a situation where a beautiful woman asks you something you’re not comfortable answering? This can also be used to flirt with your girlfriend.)
45.我不但手气好,脚气也不错！
45. Not only am I lucky in my hands, but my feet are quite lucky as well!
（呵呵 运气好的时候可以一笑）
(Hehe, you can just smile when you’re having good luck)
46.再逼我,再逼我就装死给你看！
46. Push me again, and I’ll pretend to be dead for you!
（当美女一再问你白痴问题时候 可以一用）
(Use this when a beautiful woman keeps asking you silly questions)
47.够不着吧,左脚踩右脚上试试
47. Can’t reach it? Try standing on your left foot with your right foot.
（打击情敌矮，玩笑女生娇小，随你大小便~）
(Tease your rivals for being short, or joke about a girl’s petite stature, as you wish)
48.有的人活着,她已经死了.有的人活着,他早该死了！
48. Some people are alive, but they’re already dead. Some people are alive, but they should have died long ago!
（气愤也可以幽默~）
(Even when angry, you can still be humorous)
49.你说…你喜欢我?其实…我一开始…其实我也…唉跟你说了吧,其实我也挺喜欢我自己的.
49. You say… you like me? Actually… At first… At first, I… Well, let me tell you, actually, I like myself too.
（表白难么~暧昧难么~知道说什么话就不难了，成功是种艺术）
(Confessing love is difficult? Being ambiguous is difficult? Knowing what to say makes it easy. Success is an art)
50.青山依旧在,只是有点红.
50. The green mountains remain, but they’re a bit red.
（饿，那个，想起一句 落红岂是无情物~）
(Hungry, by the way, I remember a line: “Falling red is not heartless”)
51.你是喝水,还是喝水,还是喝水?随你挑！
51. Are you drinking water, or drinking water, or drinking water? It’s up to you!
（你是收藏,还是收藏,还是收藏?随你挑！）
(Are you collecting, or collecting, or collecting? It’s up to you!)
52.老子不但有车,还是自行的！
52. Not only do I have a car, but it’s a bicycle!
（对付拜金女的极品~本人不喜欢拜金的哈）
(Dealing with materialistic girls’ best choice - I don’t like materialistic ones, haha)
53.喜欢的话哥我给你买…(意识到对方的怒意后)啊不,是“哥,我给您买！”
53. If you like it, I’ll buy it for you… (Realizing the other person’s anger) Oh no, it’s “Brother, I’ll buy it for you!”
（和兄弟们的幽默难道不重要？）
(Isn’t humor with my buddies important?)
54.是镜子总会反光的！
54. A mirror will always reflect light!
（咱考试不合格的时候如是对女朋友说。。。）
(When you fail an exam, is this what you say to your girlfriend?)
55.帅有个P用?搞不好还不是被卒子给吃掉！
55. What’s the use of being handsome? You might still be eaten by a pawn!
（有女人对你说“那个男人好帅啊’，’那个明星真帅’的么？一句话噎死她）
(When a woman says to you, “That man is so handsome,” or “That star is really handsome,” just use this sentence to shut her up)
56.交给我你就不用放心了,没有错不了的事！
56. You don’t have to worry when you leave it to me; there’s no way it can go wrong!
（嘿嘿~女友叫你买东西了么？有叫你帮忙么？说这个再帮她好好的做好，效果是不是更好？）
(Hehe~ Did your girlfriend ask you to buy something? Did she ask for your help? Say this and then help her do it well. Isn’t the effect better?)
57.别紧张,我不是什么好人…… （搭讪困难么？相信我没错！）
57. Don’t be nervous, I’m not a good person… (Having trouble flirting? Trust me, it’s right!)
58.只要你一生蛋,咱们便立即把它踩破,绝不让校长和爸妈知道！（床头调情玩笑）
58. As soon as you lay an egg, we’ll step on it immediately and never let the principal or our parents know! (Bedside flirtatious joke)
59.别谢,谢完还怎么好意思向你收钱啊！
59. Don’t thank me, how can I still have the face to ask for money after you’ve thanked me!
（当你给MM帮忙或者做一些让她感激的事~嘿嘿，噎死她，小心粉拳）
(When you help a girl or do something that makes her grateful, hehe, choke her, but be careful of her powdery fists)
60.别和我说放马过来—-我是阿凡提！
60. Don’t tell me to bring it on - I’m Afanti!
（MM：想真人PK么？ 还没说完你就用这句打断她。。。）
(MM: Want a real PK? Interrupt her before she finishes with this sentence…)
61.你都不理我,那我成狗不理了！
61. If you don’t even talk to me, then I’ll become Goubuli!
（MM：真不给我巧克力？我不理你了诺~ ————知道怎么说不？）
(MM: Really not giving me chocolate? I won’t talk to you anymore~ ———— Do you know how to say this?)
62.明月几时有,去问易中天！
62. When will the bright moon appear? Ask Yi Zhongtian!
（随性而发~）
(Impromptu)
63.有日子没吃到肉了，我现在已然修练到连放屁都不带荤味的境界！
63. It’s been a while since I’ve had meat; now I’ve reached the level where even my farts don’t smell meaty!
（有段日子没牵你手了，咱现在已经修炼到逮着小狗都要和它握手。。。前提是它是母的~）
(I haven’t held your hand for a while, and now I’m so desperate that I want to shake hands with a dog… as long as it’s a female.)
64.通常来说，老公瘦，不是老婆欲望过强就是老婆过于抠门。我希望我瘦是因为第一项。
64. Generally speaking, if a husband is thin, it’s either because his wife has too strong a desire or she’s too stingy. I hope I’m thin because of the first reason.
（通常来说，我这么瘦，可是你又这么喜欢给咱买吃的，老婆，你说，咱是因为什么原因瘦的呢？）
(Usually, I’m so thin, but you like to buy food for me. Wife, tell me, why am I thin?)
65.一个人只要长得好看点，他无论干点儿什么大家都觉得倍儿合理，倍儿正常。你看，我当初裸奔都没人看~
65. If someone is good-looking, no matter what they do, everyone thinks it’s very reasonable and normal. You see, when I ran naked, no one even looked!
（其实咱帅的都没人看咱裸奔了。。。）
(In fact, I’m so handsome that no one even looked when I ran naked.)
66.“让我先测试下你的智商，一加一等于几？”
66. “Let me test your IQ first. What’s one plus one?”
他立刻回答了我，这小孩反应真快，他的回答是朝我脸上吐了口唾沫。！
He immediately answered me; this kid is really quick-witted. His answer was to spit on my face!
（你看咱亲戚家小孩多聪明，还好没泼我一脸童子尿~）
(You see how smart our relative’s child is; luckily, they didn’t泼我一脸童子尿~)
67.东方明珠:大上海的阳具，看上去挺雄壮的，只不过……这睾丸怎么一个在上边一个在下边？畸形?
67. The Oriental Pearl Tower: the penis of great Shanghai, it looks quite mighty, but… why is one testicle on top and the other below? Deformed?
（慎用。。。）
(Use with caution.)
68.还吃油炸食品呢，瞧你脸上的痘！都快能连五子棋了！
68. Still eating fried food? Look at the acne on your face! You can almost play Gomoku!
（喂，哥们，打压就是这个味道~）
(Hey, buddy, this is the taste of suppression.)
69.外表青春灿烂，内心破破烂烂。
69. A youthful appearance, but a broken and worn-out heart.
（咱们是同一类人，外表青春灿烂，内心破破烂烂。。。）
(We are the same kind of people, with a youthful appearance and a broken and worn-out heart.)
70.我会涂鸦你们知道么？我经常趁着夜幕去涂鸦`我趁没人的时候就涂：办证：139…………
70. I can graffiti, you know? I often take advantage of the night to graffiti: “Fake IDs: 139……”
（。。。所以你把号码告诉我吧，咱涂鸦技术一流~）
(So… tell me your number, and I’ll share my top-notch graffiti skills with you.)
71.“我宿舍一女生跟我翻脸了”
71. “A girl in my dormitory has turned against me.”
“你俩打么？抽耳光么？抓头发 甩钢笔水儿么？”
“Do you two want to fight? Slap each other? Grab hair, throw ink water?”
“……”
”…”
（夸张法~）
(Exaggeration method~)
72..“小心”我边拉了一下她边说道。
72.. “Be careful,” I said as I pulled her aside.
她看了我一下，疑惑的问道“怎么了？拉我干什么？”
She looked at me, puzzled, and asked, “What’s wrong? Why did you pull me?”
“有个蚂蚁，别把你拌倒了”
“There’s an ant, don’t let it trip you.”
(个人一个牵手惯例~)
(A personal hand-holding routine~)
73.我以为“隐身”别人就找不到我了，没用的，像我这样的人，无论在哪里都像漆黑夜里的萤火虫，够鲜明够出众。
73. I thought that if I “went invisible,” people wouldn’t be able to find me. It’s useless, as someone like me stands out like a firefly in the dark night, bright and distinctive.
（QQ——她：你怎么老隐身？。。。）
(QQ - Her: Why are you always invisible?…)
74.女人吻男人是一种幸福，男人吻女人是一种口福。所以，你是我的口福，我就是你的幸福~（我喜欢直白的调戏，但主意语气，表情和眼神，语气兄弟们自量，表情认真中带着几分俏皮，眼神专注而温柔，要注视对方眼睛）
74. A woman kissing a man is a kind of happiness, a man kissing a woman is a kind of oral fortune. So, you are my oral fortune, and I am your happiness. (I like straightforward teasing, but pay attention to the tone, facial expressions, and gaze. Brothers, judge for yourselves, the tone should be serious with a hint of playfulness, the facial expression serious yet mischievous, and the gaze focused and gentle, looking into the other person’s eyes.)
75.铁公鸡还会留点铁锈呢，你根本就是个不锈钢公鸡！啊，不，是不锈钢母鸡。。。
75. Even an iron rooster leaves some rust, but you are nothing but a stainless steel rooster! Ah, no, a stainless steel hen…
（以前碰到一个十分小气的女人，咱直接抛出这句话了。。。结果她说，你还公鸡呢，公鸡配母鸡。。。我囧了。。。）
(I once met a very stingy woman, and I directly threw this sentence at her… As a result, she said, “You’re still a rooster? A rooster with a hen…” I was speechless…)
76.还没来得及去沾花惹草，就被人拔光了。
76. I haven’t even had the chance to chase after flowers and grass, and I’ve already been plucked.
（她：你是不是很花心，常看到你和不同的女孩子一起。我：我也想啊，可是还没来得及区沾花惹草，就已经被人拔光了。。。）
(Her: Are you very flirtatious? I often see you with different girls. Me: I wish, but I haven’t even had the chance to chase after flowers and grass before being plucked…)
77.每个人出生的时候都是原创，可悲的是，很多人渐渐都成了盗版。说实话，你真像我前女友的盗版。
77. Everyone is an original when they are born, but sadly, many people gradually become counterfeit. Honestly, you really resemble a counterfeit of my ex-girlfriend.
（潜台词，盗版太次，你要变成我的正版~）
(Implicit message: The counterfeit is too inferior; you should become my genuine edition~)
78.知识就像内裤，看不见但很重要。所以，我还是很专一的，一条内裤穿了二十几年~
78. Knowledge is like underwear; it’s invisible but very important. So, I am still very loyal, wearing the same pair of underwear for over 20 years~
（忘了当初用哪里的，好像是关于别人说我留言有才就是人色的一段对话。。。）
(I forgot where I used this originally, it might have been in a conversation about someone saying that my comments were talented but person-colored…)
79.我朋友在他女友手机里的名字是“他”，后来他们分手了，就变成了“它”
79. My friend’s name in his girlfriend’s phone was “He.” After they broke up, it became “It.”
（但愿我自己少做几个“它”。。。）
(I hope I become fewer “its” myself…)
80.我当年也是个痴情的种子，结果下了场雨……淹死了。
80. I used to be a romantic seed, but then it rained… and I drowned.
（她：我想知道你是不是一直这么花心的。）
(She: I want to know if you’ve always been such a flirt.)
1.韩国的后裔是用来撩妹的，中国的后羿是用来射太阳的。
1. Descendants of Korea are for flirting with girls, while Hou Yi from China is for shooting the sun.
2.别做混世大魔王了，做我的小王八吧。
2. Stop being a troublemaker, be my little turtle instead.
3.我会一直喜欢你，直到数学满分。
3. I will keep liking you until I get a full mark in math.
4.今天什么都不想做，只想安静地帅上一天。
4. Today, I don’t want to do anything, just quietly be handsome for the whole day.
5.不想养狗，也不想养猫，想养你，毕竟养猪致富。
5. I don’t want to raise a dog or a cat, I want to raise you, after all, raising a pig can make you rich.
6.一白遮三丑，一高遮五丑，一瘦遮七丑，一富遮百丑，一胖毁所有！
6. One bit of whiteness can hide three uglinesses, one height can hide five uglinesses, one thinness can hide seven uglinesses, one wealth can hide a hundred uglinesses, but one fatness can ruin everything!
7.你不想接我电话就直说，别老让中国移动帮你说对不起。
7. If you don’t want to answer my call, just say it, don’t always let China Mobile say sorry for you.
8.为了当年你那句保重，这么多年我一直没瘦。
8. For your words “take care” back then, I haven’t lost weight for so many years.
9.我要瘦成一道闪电，照亮所有猥琐的死胖子。
9. I want to become a slim lightning, illuminating all the creepy fat people.
10.俺从不写错字，但俺写通假字。
10. I never make mistakes in writing, but I write with alternative characters.
11.有困难要帮，没有困难制造困难也要帮。在美人面前则修正为：有危险要救，没有危险制造危险也要救。
11. If there is difficulty, help is needed; if there is no difficulty, create difficulty and help. In front of a beauty, it should be corrected to: if there is danger, save her; if there is no danger, create danger and save her.
12.如果有钱也是一种错，那我情愿一错再错。
12. If being rich is also a mistake, then I’d rather keep making the same mistake.
13.年纪轻轻，体重倒是不轻。余额不多，想买的倒是不少。
13. Young in age, but not light in weight. Not much balance, but lots of things I want to buy.
14.原谅他是上帝的事，我的任务就是送他去见上帝。
14. Forgiving him is God’s job, my mission is to send him to meet God.
15.空欢喜就是早上醒来，以为自己长高了，仔细一看，原来是被子盖横了……
15. Empty joy is waking up in the morning, thinking you’ve grown taller, only to find out it’s because the quilt is covering you diagonally…
16.你爸我是草原散养的，饿了吃过蚂蚱，不是所有的鸡都叫时光鸡。
16. Your dad is raised in the grasslands, I’ve eaten grasshoppers when hungry, not all chickens are called Time Chicken.
17.你说你愿意和我白头到老，不行，我想黑发飘飘。
17. You said you’d like to grow old with me, but no, I want to keep my black hair flowing.
18.如果你实在饿了打电话给我，我吃点零食嚼给你听。
18. If you’re really hungry, call me, and I’ll chew some snacks for you to listen to.
19.太关注我的人，一般只有两种人，一种是暗恋我的，一种是暗算我的。
19. People who pay too much attention to me generally fall into one of two categories: those who have a crush on me and those who are plotting against me.
20.“我在寻找丢失的记忆”“说人话!”“我在复习”
20. “I’m searching for lost memories.” “Speak human language!” “I’m studying.”
21.黑夜给了我黑色的鼠标，我却用它游戏到天明。
21. The night gave me a black mouse, but I used it to play games until dawn.
22.佛曰：打人用砖乎、求饶，照乎。乎不死再使劲乎。
22. Buddha said: Hit someone with a brick, plead for mercy, and then hit them again. If they’re not dead, hit them even harder.
23.其实我是故意不长个的，因为我恐高，长太高看着就怕。
23. Actually, I purposely didn’t grow taller because I’m afraid of heights. If I were too tall, I’d be scared just looking down.
24.自打我学会了顶嘴，我老婆也学会了磨刀。
24. Ever since I learned to talk back, my wife also learned how to sharpen her knives.
25.今天起大早去上课，刚进教室，老师笑着对我说稀客呀，当时我就傻了。
25. I got up early today to go to class. As soon as I entered the classroom, the teacher smiled at me and said, “Rare guest!” I was stunned at that moment.
26.你们最好选择在中午秀恩爱，知道为什么吗？因为早晚会有报应。
26. You’d better show affection at noon, do you know why? Because sooner or later, there will be retribution.
27.复习的小船说翻就翻，睡觉的欲望说来就来。
27. The little boat of review can capsize at any time, and the desire to sleep comes and goes.
28.跟我要儿童节礼物，我可以给，但过几天的父亲节你们就要注意了。
28. If you a
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